Changes
by patrickjanesmile
Summary: After being fired, Jane runs for his revenge. Is he out of his mind or it's all just part of a plan? Whatever it is, Lisbon can't let him go.


Based on _Red Rover, Red Rover (s04e23):_

After the fight with Wainwright, Jane got fired and walks away. Lisbon runs after him.

**Lisbon**: "Jane!... Jane, don't do anything rash. We can work this out. We'll fix it."

**Jane**: "I doubt that."

**Lisbon**: "I'll come by your place tonight. We'll talk it out, okay?"

**Jane**: "You're sweet."

**Lisbon**: "Let me help you."

He get in the elevator. The doors closed. He's gone. _Don't do it. _He was out of his mind. _Are you leaving?_ _Where are you going? _But she knew exactly where he was going. He was going after Red John. He was desperate. She was desperate. Desperate to help him. She has to help him before it's too late. _C'mon Lisbon, you can reach him._ She was standing there, then, suddenly started to run. She went downstairs. The elevator would take too much time. _Please, Jane._ She ran faster as she could. The CBI building isn't big, so he would be leaving soon with his car. When she was finally downstairs, the first thing she saw was Jane, walking toward his car.

- Jane, wait! – She said, pursy, but loud enough for he to hear.

Jane stopped walking. His hand were inside his jacket pocket. He didn't say a word. With his back turned to Lisbon, he didn't move, it wasn't necessary, Lisbon's voice it's easy to recognize. Lisbon recovered her breath and walked some steps to stay close enough to talk to him. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and looked ahead, hoping him to turn around and look in her eyes.

- Don't leave, Jane. Like I said, we'll fix it. – Her voice was calm. Everything around was calm. Few people were walking in and out of the building. The sunset was coming. – I can help you. Let me help you, Jane. You know I can do anything for you. – She insisted.

_Are you hearing me?_ Jane didn't answer. A gentle breeze started, hard enough to move Lisbon's hair. _You have to hear me this time, Jane. Once. At least, once. _

- Jane, I'm talking to you. Say something. – She wouldn't give up so easily.

His thoughts were far away. All day long. He was sad, worried, distant. Of course he was. It was the anniversary of death of his family. For a moment, Lisbon tried to imagine how her life would be if a serial killer had murdered her family. She often thinks about it and feels sad for Jane. She wants to change his life so much. She have this desire of making some difference, desire of bring happiness back, of be always by his side when he needs, to stay always close to him. And right now, he was just leaving, leaving CBI, leaving the team, leaving his family. _What you gonna do without us? _

Lisbon was going to say something when Jane finally gave her a response.

- Teresa... – Almost whispering. – It's been a long time. Nine years ago I've made a promise to myself. I told myself I was going to catch the person who killed my wife and daughter. I was going to kill this person like he did to my family. And that's exactly what I'm going to do. Maybe it's my only chance, maybe it's not, but I'm taking that chance. I know you will try to stop me, but I'm telling you, you'll fail.

_I knew it. _Lisbon also already knew she couldn't change the fact that Jane would go away, but she wanted to believe in the reverse. Her heart still had hope. Hope to save him. But then, he said all those things about Red John. Red John, Red John... He never stops. He forgot all the rest and his focus was in Red John. He could only think about revenge, and at the same time, he wasn't thinking about the people around, he was only thinking of himself.

- You... – She took a deep breath again, but she was angry and she needed to show this feeling in her voice. – You selfish bastard! Is that your excuse? You have to go through your revenge? Can't you see, Jane? Can't you see that this revenge is doing a mess with your mind? Red John is manipulating you!

- I am not being selfish, Lisbon. – Abruptly, he turned and start looking to her. – I just don't want to hurt anyone close to me anymore.

Memories came into Jane's mind. Looking to the floor, he tried to disguise from Lisbon the sadness in his eyes. He felt embarrassed without a reason. If there is a person who he could trust and talk, this person was just there, in front of him, trying to help, trying to advise. Somehow he knew that, but his heart wasn't ready yet to show feelings.

- You just can't do this alone, Jane. That's what I'm trying to say. – Looking straight to her eyes, Jane would see how worried she was. For a moment she wanted to hug him, but with hesitation she didn't.

Both have a lot of things to say to each other, but they just didn't have the right moment or maybe the courage. After Angela's death, everything inside of him was gone, but then, he met Lisbon, and all the emptiness was starting to fill.

- Sometimes I wonder what I've ever do to deserve you in my life.

_What... What do you mean? _That's the question she wanted to do, but words just didn't come out of her mouth. She didn't know what to say. Maybe the right moment was there. The moment to talk about everything. But there was anxiety, there was tension. And what if Jane was really going to leave? She was afraid, thinking that this could be, maybe, the last time they would be together. This stubbornness is what disturbs her, is what makes him never listen what she have to say and what makes him always deny her help as well. She was tired. Tired of trying to lead him to other way, to make him move on and at the same time, she has strenght enough to do whatever she needed to do to help him and maybe, save him. So, this strenght she still had would be useful. It had to be.

- If you think that, then listen to me. Since the first day I saw you, I knew someday this was going to happen. Someday you were going to lost your mind and do things without a racional reason, just to satisfy your revenge. I told you to move on. It's okay, you tried. You couldn't. But Jane, you can try again. Revenge isn't something that will make you feel better. As a friend: don't do it. Stay with us. If you want to catch Red John, alright, but let do this together, as a real team, as a family.

Family. Strong and accurate word to define them. No just a team, a family.

But that is what Jane feels? That his colleagues are nothing more nothing less like a family to him? They are always there for him, they protect him, they worry about him, and looking deeply, they really love him, as a friend, as a familiar. That's what Lisbon were trying to say.

With that typical smile, looking down, Jane started to do something he never does. He started to talk about his feelings, about people of his life:

- After Minelli hired me, I felt like I had found a new life, a new home. And didn't took a long time to realize that I really had found it. I was happy, because of you all. Being around of people like you made me feel better. After all these years, this feeling grew a lot. I know sometimes I do things that make you guys feel disappointed, but I can't control myself when the issue is about Red John, you know that. I'm guilty for my wife and daughter's murder, therefore, I won't forgive myself until this man suffer for what he did. I'm sorry, Lisbon, but I can't change that. The murder of my wife and daughter is enough, I have to do this alone, it's my business and I will not put my new family in danger. - With two steps, he stayed closer to her, then, he kept talking. – Please, don't try to stop me anymore. I don't want to disappoint you more, because I know I already did it too much.

Holding tears, Lisbon didn't want to give up. But she wasn't stupid, keep trying wouldn't work, he was decided. With sorrow and at the same time, anger, she wouldn't waste her time and her persistence.

_I tried._

- Don't ever say I haven't warn you. - Lisbon was upset, but wasn't demonstrating it in your face.

Jane showed a smile.

- Thank you, Lisbon. – And gave her a hug, surprising her.

Even surprised, she hold him tight, like that was going to be the last time. In his chest, she laid her head, where he slid his hand through her hair.

- When all this ends, I promise I will be a better man for you. – He kissed his forehead, and walked away. Getting into the car, he left.

Holding her cross, he went back to her team and her office, thinking only about Jane.

_You will be a better man... for me?_


End file.
